Thursday, March 16, 2006

The eight-step guide to securing an Israeli election

1. Say there is no negotiating partner on the Palestinian side, even if the president was Gandhi.

2. Repeat "terrorist attacks" and "security" several times in each sentence of a public speech

3. Unpredictably close down Palestinian commercial crossings (while making sure to mention "security" and "terrorist attack")

4. Place hungry Palestinians on a forced "diet" and laugh about it

5. Escalate and provoke: Assassinate Palestinians, making sure to refer to child causalities as unfortunate bystanders, fire an incessant barrage of artillery shells capriciously in a self-declared buffer zone, and detain other Palestinians belonging to a group that has stuck to a ceasefire for over 12 months.

5. Declare illegal settlements in the heart of the West Bank as important to you as Tel Aviv, and an eternal part of Israel.

6. Discretely begin building police headquarters and "other facilities" extending from future Palestinian capital to the largest Israeli colony in the West Bank, Ma’ale Adumim (and cite "natural growth" if pressed by western powers, though this is unlikely to happen).

7. Get pro-democracy Americans to destabilise the democratic result of your next door neighbours's elections.

8. And for the grand finale, stage an Apocalypse-Now type raid on a Palestinian prison to defend the honor of a slain Israeli war criminal..er..minister, complete with helicopters, tanks, and armored bulldozers, and finish off with Israeli general's and paper's crowing "We got 'em!"

Addendum (courtesy Rattu):

9. Murmur, every once in a while, your willingness to make "painful concessions" for peace.... if only you had a partner... which is (emphasise this point with raising your voice, and look upwards to heaven) unfortunately not the case;

10. Make a distinction between yourself, a peace-loving, yet strong and courageous man, and the "lunatic settlers" (though do not spell it out this way, and keep supporting them in almost anyway possible).

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Laila,
I fond of you.
With all the best wishes for you and Yousuf.
God always be with you and all Palestinian.
Salam.

1:51 PM  
Blogger Oleh Yahshan said...

1. Who Should we negotiate with? Hamas - who doesn't recognize my exsitance? Or Abu Maazen - the Puppet of the PA who has no Power Whatsoever?

2. I apoligize that Ppl beeing killed in the streets falls into what we call Secutiry and Terrorism. Can you give me a better name for it?

3. As a country we can choose who we let in to our country and who we don't.

4. What forcd diet are we talking about? Who is laughing about it?

5. In time of war Militants are lagitamite Targets. Even if they are driving in the streets Where civiliens are walking as well.

5(a). Politicians Statements are a great thing - I don't think that that is what won him his election.

6. can I ask What is in the Land that sits between Maale Adumim and Jerusalem (In the A1 Area)?

7. well I don't agree to that - I think that the Pals. have the right to have whoever they want as their leaders. We (Israel) and the U.s. can also Choose who we want to establish relations with, and who we want to help or not.

8. Call him what you Want Rehav'am Zeevi never called for the death of arabs. Although I am sure you not believe this - what he said over and over again is that 2 Ethnicaties cannot live peacfuly with one another - and the only answer is for one of them to leave. You can either agree or not - but that does not make him a war criminal. He was on the other hand an Israeli Minister - and was killed because of who he was. So that I think in the name of justice the people who assasinated him should be put on trial (Saadat's Lawyer Says that he was in prison for 4 years without even beeing tried) and if found guilty should be prisoned. do you not agree?

2:00 PM  
Blogger Laila said...

"Everyone agreed on the need to impose an economic siege on the Palestinian Authority, and Weissglas, as usual, provided the punch line: "It's like an appointment with a dietician. The Palestinians will get a lot thinner, but won't die," the advisor joked, and the participants reportedly rolled with laughter."

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/684258.html

2:07 PM  
Blogger Oleh Yahshan said...

Although Taken out of context - It was a bad statement and A very stupid one. I will not try to excuse the statement, although aperantly he meant it in an economic fashion not an actual Diet. but again I am not trying to Excuse the statement. What I will say is that, it does not look good on this side and does not boost points for Olmert so that it doens't apply to your Theory. In fact it was hidden quite well by the media (who is trying to help Olmert)

Also Neglected from the Article are the comments made by members of the commitee (translated from Hebrew)http://news.msn.co.il/news/StatePoliticalMilitary/State/200602/20060216072726.htm:
"Starving the Pals. does not serve our purpose, shutting off the electricity does not help us."
The Result is that we have not cut off all ties with the PA. you still have Electricity, Water, Gassoline, ETC.

2:36 PM  
Blogger Shunra said...

Fab blog, Um Yousuf.

About item 1, one of the things Israel did to obfuscate its immorality was to nickname one of its more brutal terrorist-gang leaders "Ghandi", then place him in the government.

Israelis thrive on mind-games like that. It makes it easier for them to confuse anyone who isn't looking carefully at the shell-game they're playing.

5:51 PM  
Blogger Moses said...

Clearly you didn't get the memorandum, Um Yousef:

The Israeli government (Labor, Likud, Kadima?) doesn't want peace with you. They want you to leave.

I love typing the words "apartheid-era South Africa". It reminds me of a dark and shameful past that through decades of struggle and courage =is= indeed the past.

7:40 PM  
Blogger Oleh Yahshan said...

Shunra,
Ze'evi Wasn't our most Brutal Terrorist Gang Leader - Come on Think a little harder and I am sure you will find that deep down Inside All Israelies are Blood Thirsty Murderes who make Matza from Little Pal. Kids.

Using Empty Slogans does not prove a point, Of course we love mind games (any one for scrabble??), they are meant to keep you on your towes and make sure you never think anything good about us.

Abu Shaar - I love Typing Apple Pie but I am not sure how that is relavent to the Blog?
But Seriously,
Rattu - I happen to Agry with you - Notice I didn't call them Terrorist what they did was an assasination - They went after someone because of who he is, and therfore should be tried for the crime,
and if found guilty should be sentanced to a long imprisenmont. What he did doesn't even really fall into a war crime.

As for your Additions:
9. I would like to know who we are meant to talk to (as I posted up top)?
10. not even worth commenting on, I am not sure where that even came from.

9:23 PM  
Blogger Oleh Yahshan said...

Shaggy,
you Spotted our Blog?? was it running away from you?? did you manage to catch it on the Internet Highway?? We Made no attempt to hide who we are. WE are very proud of who we are.

but now that you know who we are can you please explain to who we are?? since I am still looking.

9:26 PM  
Blogger Oleh Yahshan said...

Shaggy you are a disguting person.
I thought we were having some sort of Debate here but I geuss you just do what you do best - Insult people who don't agree with you. You 2 last posts were so low I would not even Begin to know how to respond to them. It takes some twisted mind like your to come up with some of those statements that you made (plate of Blood???, Divorce my Wife???).

I hope you are happy in your little cocun of a world you live in where everything is in pretty colors, and I trully hope you live a long and happy life.
Please Don't answer my comment I have nothing more to say to you!!

11:13 PM  
Blogger umkahlil said...

Wow, Laila, you're getting as many hits as the AngryArab :)

LOL Rattu...don't forget (I'm stealing from Hanan Ashrawi here)

Until Hamas recognize Israel, renounce terror, and become Christians...

12:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can you tell me what the Palestinians want?

Can you tell me what the Israelis want?

I have been trying to understand for years but just get more and more confused. Killing and killing and killing. Where does it get any of you?

6:45 AM  
Blogger Mad Canuck said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Oleh Yahshan said...

Ratttu,
I am sorry for the Pals. I trully am. But how much Jewish Blood are you willing to sacrefice to see if you are correct? In the mean time as you mentioned the past 15 months have been Relativly Quiet (Minus Kassams Falling all over the South). But then again Tzahal is doing a major job to make sure it stays that way. It isn't that all is quiet on the Pal end as you say - We are still getting about 15-30 Attempts a day! to try to get into Israel and Blow something up.
Just Friday we had another Drive by shooting - but if no one dies then it's not really a terrorist Attack.

Remind me again who Abu Maazen Is?? or more to the point what power does he have? The new Pal. Govt. will be sworn in tomorow and then Abu maazen will be stripped from any power he might have had. While the Hamas is running the show in the PA - and don't get me wrong I have no issues with that - they were democraticly allected - but I also have the right to choose not to want to talk to the people who say time and time again that whey want me dead.

There are many solutions to solve this problem and I agree with you that the Unilatiral ones don't work (See proof - Hitnatkut 2005). But what middle ground ideas do you have in mind??

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omri,

I agree.Maybe the Palestinians should built walls to protect themselves from the "more humane Israel".

- from a lady who spends her tax money to help you build the wall and feed your healthcare system.

1:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oleh Yashan
For sure, the Israeli military is working hard to stop bombers, and I'm not saying there are no attempts, but at the moment only sent by the Islamic Jihad. Both Hamas and Fateh have stopped for the time being. I make a distinction between actions against settlers and bombings inside Israel. We might disagree on this.

you talk about 'power' Abu-Mazen does'nt have, or will be stripped off - well the palestinian authority is like a minor municipality in terms of power. OK, let me correct this: a municipality with a very large budget, and some 80,000 policemen. But that's it.

The PA is powerless, always was. Compare it to a sovereign state - and you see the difference. Israel has ultimate and complete control: over resources, economy, freedom of movement. I am not making an argument here, not saying bad or good, just the facts. Yes, over some little pockets of territory the PA has, or had, some limited authority. But really this is not the test. If you were Palestinian and Abu-Mazen himself could not organize for you to go from Gaza to visit your dying mother in Nablus - would you call him your President and obey his orders?

Only when you realize how Oslo made life worse for the Palestinians, while ostensibly giving them a 'state in the making' - you can start to understand the current situation.

And as for your question - what can be done. Well the situation is complicated. But there is one thing that can be done: a massive release of prisoners - especially the ones who are sitting in Israeli jails for decades. Put aside the emotional or moral arguments against it - in security terms it involves very little risk. And as a political move this is a clear signal that the Israeli government is interested in starting something different. This is one of the most important issues on the Palestinian agenda, and if it is done as part of a dialogue I believe it will generate a lot of good will (I'm saying this as a Israeli who reads the Palestinian papers). Anything else, like even removing one check-point, will immediately create a cry-out in ISrael that the 'government is risking our security'. So if anyone was interested in dialogue, the prisoners are the place to start with - and they will be a force for moderation, not extremism.

and afterwards? slowly slowly, but with a clear momentum. But we need a very close attention to People's lives, people's wishes. Ordiniary people. Because the real 'inferstracture of terrror' is despair and there is plenty of this right now.

and don't get me wrong, i'm not optimistic or anything. I think this year or the next one is the point beyond which a 2-states solution will not be viable any longer. See you in Isratin, as Muamar Kaddafie called it.

2:00 AM  
Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

rattu, you talk about the facts, but what you're saying is not the facts. Let's go through them one by one. First of all, Hamas and Fatah have not stopped their bombing attempts. They are still attempting to carry out terrorist attacks, but the number is down. Why? For a couple of reasons. 1) They're too busy right now fighting eachother for control of the Strip, after Hamas' parliamentary victory, to worry about fighting Israel. They main "obstacle" right now is eachother. Civil war takes up a lot of your time, you know. 2) The IDF has taken out and/or arrested many of the architects and choreographers of terrorist attacks, so Hamas and Fatah are also busy trying to rebuild their leadership and actually stay alive. When you're worrying about whether you'll live through the day, it's hard to carry out anything significant against your enemy. The Art of War is as prevelent now as it was back in the day of Sun Tzu. But, don't be fooled by the fac that you haven't heard of any terrorist attacks being carried out by these two groups. Firstly, it's not for lack of trying. Secondly, the newspapers do NOT report their shelling of Israeli towns and their attacks against Israeli Army pressonel.

You know, your excuses for why the PA doesn't get anything done doesn't hold any water. Even if we did compare it to "simple municipality", a municipality with their kind of budget should, at the very least, be able to get the most basic of governmental infrastructure done. They have no workng sanitation infrastructure. No roads and other such technical department. They have not touched the roads and sanitation workds since the day teh Oslo Accords have been signed. I live in a municipality, and, somehow, my streets are cleaned. There's no sewag overflowing into the streets. My roads are fixed when they need to be. And, this one "little municipality". So, why can't the PA, with about 5-10 times the budget that my municipality, get even the most basic of governmental tasks completed? Secondly, it's ironic that you claim the PA is powerless. When Abu Mazen declared that the Disengagement would go peacefully on their end, somehow, and, miraculously, it did. Oh, there were mortar attacks and a few shootings here and there, but it could have been a hell of a lot worse during those two weeks. Yet, somehow Mazen and his government was able to enforce a plan. If they put that kind of effort into every other facet of their government, the Palestinians would be in a lot better situation than they are now. Of course, putting that kind of effort every day of the year and not just for 2 weeks is hard and a lot of work. It's easier to just sit back, complain, and let the humanitarian and foreign aid roll in and take care of everything for you. Arafat exercised plenty of power, and Abu Mazen managed to get stuff done when he wanted to, so your argument that the PA was powerless is just invalid. The PA could look exactly like the Israeli government if they WANTED it to.

You're absolutely correct that this whole situation is because of the Oslo Accords. Numerous polls show that the Palestinians of the older generation, who remember working and living a good and very decent life when the Israeli government controlled Gaza and the West Bank, say that life was much better under Israeli rule and wish that they could return to that time. The PA (formally the PLO the second before Oslo was signed), under Arafat, had no intention of making the transition from militant and terrorist organization to working government. Arafat didn't have any inclination of accepting the Oslo Accords and stated that very plainly and publically (of course, not in English). He did not know how to form a legitimate government, and didn't want to know how. It's a lot different way of life going from killing people and planning attacks every day to worrying about who's going to pick up your garbage and fix your pot-holes. And, they weren't interested in learning, either. They didn't demand or even ask for help in constructing their government. Even now, many people and governments have admitted not knowing or understanding how the Palestinian government functions or even what type of government they utilyze. Instead, they took the money that they were given and pocketed it. Of course, the ironic thing is, and this is a little tangent yet still relative, that everybody expects Hamas to become moderate because they now have to worry about picking up the garbage. But, if Arafat's organization couldn't make the transformation in over a decade of having that opportunity, then where is the logic that Hamas will even attempt to do the same. Again, there is a huge difference betweem donating some money to build a school to making sure that school is up and running every single day.

OK, I'm sorry, but I do have have to make the moral and logisitical and even relevant argument with releasing
Palestinian prisoners. First of all, how is that a step to accomplishing anything? What's the difference in the numbers? The Israeli government has already released hundreds of Palestinian prisoners and got nothing in return. Whether it be 1,000 or 5,000, when even one doesn't have a return investment, where is your logic in this move? It is common knowledge that the PA has a revolving door policy when it comes to their prisoners, especially those that have committed terrorist acts against Israel. So, if Israel knows that a prisoner caught in attempt of carrying out a terrorist act, if caught by the PA, they will most likely be released the very next day, or if they're caught by Israel, they can assure that this guy won't be let out to try and commit a successful attack, which would you choose? Would you even dare to make this same argument to the US? If Bin Laden came on the wire today and offered a truce or peace or no more bombings in Iraq in exchange for his "soldiers", masterminds, and architects (of attacks) being released, would you actually suggest that the US take this offer seriously? Knowing full well that any of those prisoners could tomorrow be on one your planes trying to crash another plane into a builing. Be honest. The Israeli government has already released hundreds of prisoners in a "signal of trying something different". What has come out of it? What has Israel gotten in return for this? Nothing but empty promises, more terrorist attacks, and more death of their citizens. I know! (as the light bulb goes off above my head) Maybe, it's time for the Palestinian government to show they're willing to do something different and to encourage more meaningful negotiations. You know, like actually keeping their prisoners, especially the terrorists, IN JAIL. That would be a good start and show that they're actually sincere in wanting peace.

Any other great ideas?
-OC

2:49 PM  
Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

rattu, aren't you going to ask if I live in occupied Jerusalem? I've actually seen those protests against the wall, and I disagree with every premise you and they make, so why would it make any difference for me to go? Unfortunately, you disregard rules and laws and actual behavior when you make such bloviations. There are actually Arab towns, and I've wittnessed at least 2 of them, where they mow down their own olive groves, illegally, to build more houses. I am very well aware that there are many Palestinians who do not want to kill me. I would hope that laila is one of them. Unfortunately, they are overachieved by the vast majority that do want to kill me.

When you say, "confiscated", can you please provide examples and proof where land was illegally confiscated to build the fense? Make sure to provide examples where land was confiscated where said land was build with permits. Then, please tell me how it contradicts with the law of "emminent domain". Also, please let me know if you would like to know what that law is.

Also, by saying that whoever it is that is having their olive groves "confiscated" will do no harm if the wall was outside their home. So, you mean it is justified if they kill someone or commit an act of violence if the wall falls within said olive grove? Have you ever attacked a shopper at a strip mall that used to be on land that was a forrest?

I've seen what it looks like from the other side. I sympathize with their plight, but I disagree with where their anger and accusations are placed. Maybe, just maybe, they should protest against the terrorists who were shooting from their roof-tops or shooting mortars and committing other such acts of terrorism against commuters and civilians instead of electing those people to their governement. Did you know that more than 80% of the "fence" is just a regular barbed wire fence and not a wall? The wall is only placed in locations where the aforementioned acts have been committed. So, here's my great idea for the week:
Maybe, you should learn the facts and truth of the situation from real legitimate sources before proposing ideas like releasing prisoners for "peace".
-OC

4:33 PM  
Blogger Olah Chadasha said...

rattu, first of all, your retort to my statement is simply pathetic. I write what is necessary to properly to defend myself when you attack me. When you write pedantic and assanine statements, it requires the necessary response, which I believe that I gave. I can only assume by your response that you have nothing of substance to say.

Secondly, being that Israel is a democratic country, the Modiin Elit issue has been handled by the Israeli courts. It would seem that I do have to explain the law of "emminent domain" and how the law applies here in Israel. When a group wants to confiscate a house or build, it must go through the proper channels in order to gain permits or go through the courts. The courts concluded that the houses and construction, in question, being built in the town of Matityahu should be stopped. See? That's how a democractic society works.
-OC

1:23 AM  

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