Monday, April 10, 2006

The Earth is Closing in on Us

The shells keep falling. They’ve gotten inside my head, so that its not just my house shaking but but my brain throbbing. It’s like someone is banging a gong next to my ear every few minutes; sometimes 5 times a minute, like last night. And just when I savor a few moments of silence, it starts again as if to say “you're not going to get away that easily.”

We went to sleep to the rattling of our windows and invasive pounding and after-echo of the shells. We sleep as they fall. We pray fajir, and they fall again. We wake, and they are still falling. When they are closer, when they fall in Shija'iya east of Gaza City, they make my stomach drop. And I want to hide, but I don't know where.

The Earth is Closing in on Us.

That's the thing about occupation-it invades even your most private of spaces. And while the shells were falling inside my head, they also killed little Hadil Ghabin today.

A shell landed on her home in Beit Lahiya, shattering her helpless body and injuring 5 members of her family, including Hadil's pregnant mother, Safia, and her 19-year-old sister.

My headeaches seem inconsequential when I think of little Hadil. Sometimes people here say they prefer death to this existence; you’ll frequently here at funerals: “Irta7at”…she’s more comfortable now anyhow-what was there to live for here?”

The Earth is squeezing us
I wish we were its wheat
so we could die and live again.

That has become our sad reality. Death provides relief.

Sometimes it feels like we are all in some collective torture room; who is playing God with us this night, I wonder? When I look up into the sky, and hear the shells, or see the faceless helicopter gunships cruising intently through the moonlit sky, I wonder, do they see me?

And when the shells start falling again, I can’t help but imagine some beside-himself with boredom 18-year-old on the border, lighting a cig or SMSing his girlfriend back in Tel Aviv “just a few more rounds to go hon.….give it another whirl, Ron, its been 2 minutes already.”

Sometimes, when I’m on edge, I might just yell out and wave my arms at them.

Do they hear me?

We decided to escape this evening to my father’s farm in central Gaza, where we roasted potatoes and warmed tea on a small mangal, as we listened to thikr about the Prophet on the occasion of his mawlid from a nearby mosque, under the ominous roars of fighter jets, patrolling the otherwise lonely skies above.

“Where are you heading off to?” asked Osama, the shopkeeper downstairs. “Off to the farm. We’re suffocating,” I replied, Yousuf tugging at my arm… “mama…Yallah! Yallah!”

Wallah Laila, we’re not just suffocating…we’re asphyxiating. I feel I can’t breathe anymore. And my head is pounding and pounding. All I hear is BOOM boom now.”

The Earth is Closing in on Us.

And little Hadil is dead.


Blogger Khaled said...

10:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dearest Laila and Yousef, may God keep you and all other children safe. May He grant you peaceful rest tonight. Palestinians and Israelis alike.


11:01 PM  
Blogger thecutter said...

Thank you for this sad and important story. It fills me with so much rage that Israel can do this to people, and get away with it too. On the news here, they showed some houses that were destroyed, saying the shells "fell". Yes! they just fell! There was no mention that a civilian population was being bombed. This situation is intolerable, I can't begin to imagine how it must be for you.

I can only send my thoughts towards you and wishes for your steadfastness through this umpteenth horror they inflict upon the people in occupied Palestine.

1:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, Israel, what can you expect... however even Arab states don't care about us. Those states use us and abuze us, and what we get? Nada.

"Arab states promised last year to give the Palestinians $50 million (28 million pounds) a month but in practice not all of them have been meeting their commitment."

What a shame. We in Hamass fighting Zionists and they give us ZERO. Looks like they don't care about our strugle. I am done. I am going back to England. Nothing good can happen in Palestine.
If even Iran is stingy for some bucks, what the hell can we do?

4:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Might want to stop the rockets, then.

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Musa, stay a little longer, there's a rocket with your name on it!

9:37 AM  
Blogger Moses said...

One hell of a way to celebrate Passover.

Terrorise children.

10:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We learned from Haj Amin Al Husseini, abu Shaar

11:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do words of sympathy help? We think of you... I keep on reading your blog, I will mention it in a small article I am writting. By the way, there is an Intifada Support Association in Greece and two of the people involved were going to talk in a meeting about Palestine in some city, and as they were driving, they were stopped and checked and taken with handcuffs in the police station, their car was searched and finally the meeting took place few hours later and with a police car outside all the time. A group of the same assosiation is now in Palestine, unfortunatelly I couldn't go with them.

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mary, what's ironic and even laughable, is that you seem to be unaware how easy it would be to substitute 'israelis' for 'palestinians' in your post and it would be almost exactly the same and even more true. there is absolutely nobody in the world better at the victimhood game than the israelis. who else can shut down a debate with a single accusation of 'antisemite!'? all your arguments and logic and facts and proof and dead children are useless against this accusation.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A word to the "anonymous" who was talking to Musa, telling him to "stay a bit longer ...." YOU'RE DISGUSTING!!

8:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hah! All I am proposing is that Musa stay long enough to take a dose of the medicine he wants to dish out. You are the ones who are disgusting. Musa wants to kill as many of us as he can. He will get what he deserves. He'll get it faster, inshalla, if he stays in Gaza.

10:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps it's time for Israel to stop bombing and killing the Palestinians and leave. I would be willing to give them New Jersey for a new homeland. The people of NJ wouldn't mind I'm sure. Or how about a new homeland 50 miles east and 50 miles west of The Hudson River from the head waters to the tip of Long Island. They could even bring all their military weapons and bulldozers.
I believe all the problems in the middle east would stop if we did this and we would be able to save all that money we send to Israel each year. Cool idea huh!

11:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Mary said...

This pattern of thinking is typical of Palestinians. You see victimhood is a serious business. One has to keep his victimhood tight. Victimhood is very valuable product. Othervice you have to take responsibility for your existence. You need to work, earn a living, compromise.
You see, it's easy to be a victim. Blow up the Karmi passage and than you complain why Israelis don't let you in. Shell Sderot with Kassams, than complain Israel responds with bombing. You see, they elected their government democratically, so they have a right to terrorize. Why not? They are freedom fighters! Why Europe doesn't send money? Outrageous! They better send some money; otherwise they will hijack planes and blow buses. They have the right. It is written in their book. Their prophet told them. They can kill and trash, because a cartoon. They want to return all refugees to Israel. So why they can not teach them hate of the Jews? Their book tells them Jews are sons of pigs and monkeys. They are NOT responsible. It’s their book. You now, the religion of love, tolerance and universal peace. Even Bush red the Quaran and after many sleepless nights came to this conclusion. You see, they are HU-MI-LI-A-TED. Their culture is sensitive.. They are insulted. Poor babies. Grow up, Palestinians. If you want to have a state, take responsibility. "

Did you ever consider that the Israeli's (re: MOSSAD) may be carrying out the attacks on thier territory to justify the slaughter of the Palestinians? The mossads motto (roughly translated) is "by deception, thou shalt do war". Before jumping to conclusions about the situation, perhaps a thourough absorption of history, re: the middle east, would be of importance. The big picture suggests that the Israeli government is behind MOST of the "suicide" attacks against Israel.


12:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry. My trust in my country's legal system, the "Constitution", has been misplaced. Every protection, every priviledge and every obligation is barely discernable under the feces my president, my congress, my 4th estate and even my military smeered on it as they wiped their asses.

What ever happen to the patriotic civil servants in the military, FBI and CIA? Where have they gone? Why have they allowed this nameless evil to vist our time?

They fuel a fire for personal economic benefit with the ignorance messianic hate. I cannot see a "soft" cleansing. It seems more and more like the only solution is the Phoenix. The evil church beleives it can control the burn and escape, undaunted with a few shekles to continue their priviledged ways at the expense of a global humanity.

We are on the brink of the "hatching". For all the bad things we know will happen when the dark lords set the torch to Iran - we also understand that the Phoenix will consume this darkness. Why does it have to be so total. So catastrophic. The day the torch is dropped will be the day that Israel and the US are no more. The day that torch is dropped will be the end. A terrible remedy.

The world needs to understand that most Americans measure their status with possessions - with luxuriuos homes dicounted through the pain and misery of the rest of humanity. Americans beleive the trinkets of success are an indication of god's favor with them. They are wrong. They will know they are wrong when this nameless evil begins to torch the soveriegn of Iran.

How will they know? In 2005 Americans, for the first time in history, borrowed more to feed at the trough of consermerism than they earned from their work. Americans can barely keep their cars fueled and homes air conditioned. The people my country extorts and murders can harvest sustinance from rocks. They can survive. Americans are soft and pampered. When the torch cuts off their access to the "Soylent Green" extorted from those they oppress, they will beging to eat the politicians and priests that glorified this nameless evil.

When the torch is thrown - those trinkets will be worthless. Energy costs for the will be beyond the middle classes ability to to continue the charade of Wal Mart royalty. It will be over.

I only ask that other countries keep track of the criminals that escape - afford them no luxuries - afford them no protections - treat them as the criminals they are. I ask that the people surviving the day after understand that most Americans were against all of this despite the lies and misinformation of the mesianics and the arms dealers that underwrote their efforts.

It will be a necessary misery. There is no other way. It has to end. The Phoenix, once again, must rise.

There is no other way.

There will be no Israel. Israelis, bask in your arrogance and ignorance. Your time is also near the end.

God forgive us.

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A touching reflection. Thank you.

Perhaps there are no victims and there are no perpetrators. Maybe only much delusion masquerading as an endless battle of black vs. white.

I see no superior "side", only the pain wrought by beliefs that we are separate from one another. Concrete, wires, and guns only reflect the depth of fear held inside.

The physical walls are the small ones........

12:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish you and your son peace and tranquility. Keep your dreams alive and be strong.

12:49 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Thanks Laila
I've just posted my response here:

12:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Laila, my son's name is Joseph also.

We, humanity is under siege, We here, too, in the U.DS. with bush and CO. and the Israeli booby in Congress pushing with another war front in Iran.

Something terrible has overtaken this Earth.

I pray every night - for innocent civilians and all the kid soldiers on both sides - and the old warriors on both sides.

1:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Laila I wish you and your son well. It is a shamefull time we live when the death of on Israeli is mourned 20 times in American news and the suffering depravation and death in Gaza aren't even mentioned in our news.

The human rights violated mean so little now to a people who once were quite willing to die for freedom and those rights. That American Taxes are spent on this causes my blood to boil in anger. That children are dying because of mans inhumanity to man is inexcuseable.

Israel and Palestine both feel they are right and the truth is probably some where inbetween but I agree Palestine does have a moral obligation to try to defend her people from an oppressive occupation.

I pray for peace there for generous and selfish reasons both. I want no one to be hungry and afraid and to suffer the constant pounding of being shelled, the constant threat of a very real and violent death. and I want to boarders to open not just for food and medicine but for me also.

I have a husband and a stepdaughter there I want very much to be with. Isreali aggression keeps us apart.

maa salama

2:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I linked to your blog

The reality is true for both Liala and Mary.

On the personal level Liala is right, she does suffer, and on the political level Mary is right. Demonizing Israel only serves to alienate them more and is simplistic stupid thinking.

4:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ps: sorry for the spelling mistake its "Laila"

4:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure you are loving people, we've seen again and again just how loving you are. We've seen that first hand ever since we saw how you loved that ghastly Haj Amin Al Husseini. You Palestinians never tire of flattering yourselves. You should stick your noses into your own armpits and take a deep breath some time. It will be a very enlightening experience.

5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

5:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Go ahead, Musa. Show what a loving man you are. Talk some more about what you love. You love to murder. You love to rape. Oh, boy, do your kind love to rape. You do it every time you get the chance. You love to mutilate. Show some more of that love. Come on, Palestinian. This is what you are most well known for all around the world. That's how you made yourselves so loved in Lebanon. And in Iraq. Not to mention Israel, of course.

Show your true colors, Pallie. Don't be shy. Be proud. You love blood. You love gore. It's what you are. It's all you'll ever be. Even people who claim to like you don't expect anything better from you.

5:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I think Mary pretty much spotlit the reasons why the situation is so desperate for anyone living under the heel (as in NAZI heel) of the Zionists. Mary, you shithead, I'll bet you live in America, yes? Like so many of your reptilian kind, who bask in the pathology of Jewish Victimhood as if it were a drug, who use it to milk money and special favours from other races - you externalise your pathology and accuse others of it. Russian Jews were central to the Secret Police purges there, did you know that? The Beast lives inside you, mary, crouched, slavering, on it's haunches. If ever I had to nominate a neurotically crippled abomination of a culture it would be Israel, now.
As for this woman, who's blog I am using to show you who you are - I am sorry, more than I can say, I am sorry. I can't stop them, but I do what I can to shine a light on their evil. There are no words, just know that many millions stand in Witness to the murders, the lies, the refined cruelty,that is visited on Palestinians in their own country by these fetid scum who came from Eastern Europe to play their vicious game. Big Dark, Soon Come.

6:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Israel lies, but the numbers do not...

My thoughts are with you and every other Palestinian suffering under this brutal occupation. Warm regards from the UAE.

8:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May the Almighty shower his choicest blessings, we pray for you and your family for untold suffering which you and your family is undergoing.The Jews who talk about holocaust are doing the same thing in return to the palestinians. The day will come when they will reap the benefits of what they harvest, that day they will not find anyone to help them. Rest assured this will happen as foretold in the bible.

9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

May the Almighty shower his choicest blessings, we pray for you and your family for untold suffering which you and your family is undergoing.The Jews who talk about holocaust are doing the same thing in return to the palestinians. The day will come when they will reap the benefits of what they harvest, that day they will not find anyone to help them. Rest assured this will happen as foretold in the bible.

9:59 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Greatings from Canada. Most Canadians are ashamed of our government for siding with America and refusing to deal with Hamas, and to stop funding the Palestinian government.

Most Canadians understand that terrible crimes have been committed by both sides, but only one country is under occupation. Only one country is seeing their land, their resources and their very futures stolen. Most Canadians understand that Israel needs to remove their occupying forces and return to the 1967 borders.

Israel is the one with the power here, so Israeli people need to tell their government to be the larger party and make the first move - remove their occupation forces and settlements, THEN demand the violence from the Palestinians cease.

12:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mary, shame on you for bespoiling the beautiful blog of Laila. Courage, woman, and prevail in hope of peace.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear "Canadian,"

Can you please not speak for all 32,000,000 of us.

Many of us support the Jewish State and her fight against terrorism and anti-Semitism.


A Canadian from Vancouver.

9:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ummmm....I hate to burst your bubble Laila, but you are not under occupation anymore.

Remember how Israel left Gaza last year?

I doubt this is even a legit blog.

9:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leila, please don't pay attention to such stupidity and ignorance! There are many people who THINK they know what they are talking about .. but in reality they have no clue and once they open their mouths, only filth and dirt come out!
I love your blog ... you're doing a most fantastic job spreading the truth of what's going on around you! GOD bless you and your wonderful family - and ALL Palestinians!

11:36 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What she means by occupation (at least what I think she means, I may be wrong) is that, yes Palestinians are free to run and govern Gaza as they please but this freedom is limited. Borders - sea, land, and air -are controlled by Israel and the Palestinian economy is very much linked to the Israeli one, not perhaps by choice, but by geography - it is one tiny country. Kruger National Park in South Africa is just slightly larger.

The hope is that the Palestinians will develop their own economy and industry and eventually control their own borders like any other State. This will take time and depending on the idealogy of that State, a State that includes in it's charter the call for the dustruction of Israel, well, what can you then expect of the Israelis?? Trust on both sides is zero. Meanwhile casualities are the children and all ordinary people, I have heard sad tales on both sides and a child's death is the worst. It only feeds hate, and few of us can rise above that kind of pain.

Do I think that the Israelis policy of bombarding the rocket launching sights a good one.No I think this will do more harm than good. Will it deter rocket launchers into Israel.No. These kind of actions always kill innocents. I have no answers or solutions, I wish that
both sides could see a future, learn to trust and build a future, even a cold peace is better than nothing, it is at least a begining. I wish I could say I could see one. First time comments.

12:19 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Did you ever consider that the Israeli's (re: MOSSAD) may be carrying out the attacks on thier territory to justify the slaughter of the Palestinians?"

LOL!!! Did you ever consider that space aliens are firing kassam missles (as they have been since the day israel left gaza)
in order to make the "palestinians" look bad?

12:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sorry about all children , Israelis and Palestinians and all adults, Israelis and Palestinians that live under constant attack.
The Palestinians are firing from urban locations. Do you expect the Israelis not to respond?

1:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Did you ever consider that the Israeli's (re: MOSSAD) may be carrying out the attacks on thier territory to justify the slaughter of the Palestinians?"

You right . Any body with eyes believe that. Remember all those Israelis in NY on 911. I believe they were involved. Every body knows that, but they afraid to talk... Moossad control everything. How else you understand their killings of cars with missiles?

Also they poisoned Arafat, everybody knows that, even Abbas..

2:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Peace. It's interesting that Mary makes mention of 'victimhood', when the Jewish people themselves have monopolised self pity. The world is expected to mourn the death of the so called holocaust victims, and thereby conveniently ignore or forget the millions of other non-jewish victims that were tortured by Stalin, Lenin, et al, and the genocides of more recent years. If one is not sympathetic to the so called holocaust, lo and behold the wrath of the Jewish nation!
It also amazes me that compensation was not sought from Europe itself, but that the Jews, to make up for their diaspora, have to punish a people that inflicted no harm on them ever. Isreal, an illegal state created by a bunch of (Jewish) atheists based on a lie that it is land given to them by God. What a load of hogwash!
If it is any consolation to Laila, and the Palestinians, at least the Jews of the illegal state of Israel never live a moment's peace, for fear of the perseverance of the rightful owners of all the land that is Palestine.
As a South African, whose struggle was once very similar to that of the Palestinian people, I pray that you will one day regain what is rightfully yours!

10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It was my land, Israel, before you got here.It was my land before your Prophet was born. I came before you.....You yourself aknowledge Moses,my "prophet" as one to respect. Respect my life.I will respect yours.

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, it was never 'your' land, it is the land of those who have always lived there peacefully before the zionist plot; and the Isrealites never showed Moses (peace be upon him) any respect.
You want to talk about respect, who gave refuge to the Jews when they were kicked out of Spain with the Muslims? Yeah, that's right, they were welcomed by the Muslims from North Africa to the Middle East, and this is how u pay them back. You cannot build peace on injustice, it will never work. May the dismantling of Israel come soon!

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To 5:49pm, 'Israel proper', in other words all of Palestine has been inhabited by Palestinians (Muslims, Christians and Jews) for more than a thousand years. Yeah, you are right, the dismantling of the illegal state of Israel will not be a reality in this generation, probably not the next one either. But at some point it will come crushing down, just as all that is wrong and evil will eventually crumble. If you want to talk peace, it begins with justice. How do you make peace when you kick someone out of their home, destroy it and then hand them crumbs as compensation? And you stay 'start talking peace'!! Wake up!

12:12 PM  

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